everytime I see you falling...

What am I to you? What is this thing between us?

I swore I wouldn't get hooked up with you, but that's just me and I can't help it. I just want to set the record straight.

At first I was OK with the toy thing, because I was using you to forget someone else too.

But now I know that is not what I want. I do not need another self-destructive relationship, I've had my share of those.

I really like you and I could learn to care for you, get to love you. I want to be yours and to call you mine.

So I'm asking you now, before things get even more complicated or out of control: Do you want me? Do you have any interest in me at all? Should you matter to me? Should I take you seriously?

Or is this 'free' thing all you want, so you can play with more than one friend? If so, let me know too, to stop myself from liking you any more, because these games only work as long as both parts want the same thing.

I don't want to push you. I will wait for you if you ask me to, if you need some time to decide what you want, but not endlessly. I won't be your kissing pillow whenever you want.

The chemicals between us, so undeniable, but tell me if maybe I should rest my chemistry now

cause, if your life is such a big joke, why should I care? Is there a reason?

unreal

A friend of mine killed himself. I can't force my brain to believe it, I can't tell myself it's real.

I don't think he meant to do it but that doesn't change the fact he's dead. He overdosed on an anxiolytic. He wasn't suicidal, I just know he wasn't, but he suffered. I won't say I understand what he did, let alone why, I won't say either that he didn't know what he was doing because I can't know that, no one will ever know that.

Untitled

It is true that you never appreciate something until you've lost it. I had my time, I was beautiful, many wanted my heart but I gave it to no one, I kept it for myself. I did nothing, yet I could seduce anyone -hell, even my best friend-, and I did make many bend to my will. Desire had my heart and I felt like nothing was impossible. Then came the strike. Unexpected, unwanted, unforeseen, and I was shaken. Where I was once beautiful I was now plain, where my heart was wanted it was now rejected, where I had seduced I now found myself unnoticed. And so, I took my heart and I offered it to anyone, and Darkness took it, Darkness absorbed it and Darkness made it his. Darkness promised to love me, but Darkness loves no one, and so, Darkness ran away with my heart hidden in shadows. Sometimes Darkness comes back and embraces me, and I can hear my heart beating quietly; and when Darkness goes away I'm bound to follow, seek it, hiding from the light, just to hear my heart again and make sure it's still beating. This is my punishment, my crime was to deny my heart to those who love me, now I'm stuck in a continuous heart-break because I fall in love all the time and it hurts to love me.

Legends of the Sea part II

Given the fact that I find myself charmed by certain Pirates -again- I decided it is a good time to remember some other sea legends that are mentioned in the movie. Disclaimer: I tell these things as I know them, different places have different versions and all in all is just folklore.

The Ferryman: In Greek mythology, Charon ferries the dead across the river Acheron but he only accepts the souls buried with the proper rites and they had to pay him; so, a coin was placed under corpses' tongues, because, those who could not pay Charon were doomed to wander on the banks of the river Styx for a hundred years. I know of a version where two coins (two pennies, I think) were needed as payment. In the movie, no payment is required and no proper funeral either for The Flying Dutchman ferries those who die at sea.

Calypso: In the movie, heathen goddess of the sea, in Greek mythology, Calypso was a nymph who held Odysseus *yesh, the one from The Odyssey* prisoner for seven years until Zeus intervened. I really don't know much of sea goddesses... I've always heard of sea gods... of course there's Doris but it doesn't sound anything like the movie's character...

Fuente de Vida: Literally, fountain of life, but it makes reference to the legendary Fountain of Eternal Youth, a fountain with the power of restoring youth to the drinker, it was believed to be in one of the Bahama Islands *makes sense, who wouldn't want to go to the Bahamas*

And that is all for now, suggestions accepted.

Vow - part I

Only for you would I walk the darkest paths
Only for you would I cross the deepest oceans
Only for you would I face nameless fears

I owe my heart to no one and only freely it is given away
There is no strength that can sway my will, no power enough to force me
I am my own and I do not seek for a demigod to kneel before,
nor do I look for slaves to kiss my feet
My love is for the one who wants it, deserves it and repays it with his own

Only for you would I fight this endless battle
Only for you would I stand this numbing pain
And only with you will I win and stand whole again

I will tread the darkest paths for you but I won't be your shadow
I will not follow you forever as a ghost
I will only walk beside you, if you hold my hand and call me yours

*Draft 1*

I do not despair, for only those who have hope -no matter how little it is- and are afraid of losing it, despair trying to hold on to it.

I would follow you into the dark if you just let me, instead I'm going into darkness alone.

I loved you like a lover, you denied me and I loved you just the same.

I do not despair because my love is hopeless, you and I have no place.

That's why I'm calm because there is no hope to lose.

Yes, yes, yes... Un-inspiration is with me again. Ah! I find myself unable to choose between the man who loves me and the one I love, how I wish they were one and the same but some wishes just won't come true. Shall I allow one to hurt me or harm the other one -either with lies or the truth-?

Both are my friends, one who is so far away, one who is always around. And I want nothing but happiness for them, love for both of them, but it is just so hard. Hard because what would make one the happier man alive would be my love; harder because my love still belongs to the other one... who has a fine love of his own. And the hardest part is that he, the one I love, wants me to be his friend and I can't bear to see him with her, to see how he looks at her with love that borders admiration, worship; and to know that someone who looks at me like that doesn't get that look back.

One who would die to be with me, one to whom I would give my life.

Complications of a big city

I don't know if this is really the biggest city but it is big enough to hold nearly 20 million people, we are way too many but we still manage to live together. Of course, there are some minuses to this situation, for example, traffic. Traffic is a very important issue here, small things like rains or a car accident at a strategic point can have disastrous consequences. Now, imagine that a lot of "people" -Yes, "people" because real persons think- decide to close one of the main streets in the city because they are supporting a complete idiot who can't accept the fact that he lost. Explaining my context, we had our presidential elections last month and we still don't have a definite result because one of the loser candidates is stubbornly declaring that there was a fraud and that he won. There wasn't such a fraud, he just wants to ignore the fact that the majority of people decided to vote for someone else, and he is saying there's no democracy? He wants to overrule democracy in his favor. Oh God, and if you just saw him you would understand why I'm so angry, not only is he stubborn and all the opposite from diplomatic but also he is such a fake! He can't even answer to simple questions, he insults everyone who confronts him, he promises things that only stupid people would believe -and there are such people- so much for a politician. And so, he decides that he won't accept to lose and he won't keep quiet about it, he is lying about having won the debate, he brags about having won the elections and he keeps saying there was a fraud. So, he and his followers from all over the country come here and block a street. But why are these idiots here? Most of them don't even know, most of them were brought with fake promises and/or threats, they are getting paid to be here, they don't even know what they are supporting, please people, wake up and smell the corruption! The only reason he wants to be president is money! Why do you believe in his empty words? What do they think he can do?

And meanwhile, we citizens can't arrive on time to our schools, to our jobs, to the places we have to be because a bunch of animals are blocking the damn street. And I ask myself, if he wants to be heard, why doesn't he stays there with them? The other day the situation got really critical, it rained, it rained like it hadn't rained in a lot of years, some streets were flooded and the only alternative route was of course, blocked by those people! And what's the matter with the government? The so-called authorities? Why can't they intervene to make them go away? Fear? Convenience? I just can't believe it. Another thing I can't believe is the support that imitation of a man got from very important people here, intellectuals, writers, intelligent people, I mean, from stupid people I can understand, but them? I'm so disappointed. I'm very sorry for saying this but I hope something really bad happens to them for ruining everyone else's life like this.